Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Is it the Internet's Fault?

If you know me then you know that I am a social media junkie.
I am everywhere: Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Persicope, Bloglovin; you name it, I am on it.

I follow all kinds of blogs about fashion, style, family, cooking or refashion, basically anything that interests me. Sometimes, when someone has written something that is so "out there," I even get on GOMI and see what the people on there wrote. GOMI stands for "Get off my Internets" and it is a site you can go to if you want to read about people completely annihilating someone's blog. I don't go there often because, after a while, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Now, I am an adult and I do realize that what you see on the internet is nowhere near reality. If someone posts beautiful pictures of their house you can bet your ass that somewhere out of range of the camera there are dirty clothes thrown on the floor or a kid in a shitty diaper. That is the real world and I know that.

Another way they get you is to post beautiful pictures of themselves wearing cute outfits that you know they are not hoofing it to the playground in. Heels? Really? Have you ever chased down a toddler in frickin' heels?

I wear boots with a heel sometimes but only if I am not out with my kid, because being able to chase after her is way more important than looking cute. Besides which, I can manage to fall flat on my face on an even surface.
Every night before I crawl into bed, I take my clothes off and I look at myself in the mirror and I tell myself I am fat and lazy. If I overheard my daughter talking to herself that way, I would be so upset. I would hug her and tell her she is beautiful and that she is perfect the way she is. Still, every night I do that to myself and I don't know why.

I am afraid that someday my body will get revenge and make me sick because on a daily basis I am mean to it and tell it it's not good enough. I am healthy and strong enough to carry my kid around when she needs it. I am healthy enough that when one of the kids get sick, I don't get it too. I have never worn eye cream and still the wrinkles around my eyes are from laughing and I am okay with that. I have had three kids and gained a ton of weight but I still wear a size 5 because I bounced back.
I have a double chin, not because I am fat but because my mother has one and my great grandmother also—it's hereditary along with my kid-sized hands. I read other younger women's blogs and they are getting botox and spray tanning and extensions and fake nails, and I don't need any of that and I still think I am not good enough.
Has the internet ruined my perception of what is normal? 
How do you fix that kind of problem?
How do you treat your body with the respect it deserves?
Would it be enough to be grateful and tell myself everyday that I am awesome or should I just stop looking at myself naked?

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