Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Is it the Internet's Fault?

If you know me then you know that I am a social media junkie.
I am everywhere: Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Persicope, Bloglovin; you name it, I am on it.

I follow all kinds of blogs about fashion, style, family, cooking or refashion, basically anything that interests me. Sometimes, when someone has written something that is so "out there," I even get on GOMI and see what the people on there wrote. GOMI stands for "Get off my Internets" and it is a site you can go to if you want to read about people completely annihilating someone's blog. I don't go there often because, after a while, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Now, I am an adult and I do realize that what you see on the internet is nowhere near reality. If someone posts beautiful pictures of their house you can bet your ass that somewhere out of range of the camera there are dirty clothes thrown on the floor or a kid in a shitty diaper. That is the real world and I know that.

Another way they get you is to post beautiful pictures of themselves wearing cute outfits that you know they are not hoofing it to the playground in. Heels? Really? Have you ever chased down a toddler in frickin' heels?

I wear boots with a heel sometimes but only if I am not out with my kid, because being able to chase after her is way more important than looking cute. Besides which, I can manage to fall flat on my face on an even surface.
Every night before I crawl into bed, I take my clothes off and I look at myself in the mirror and I tell myself I am fat and lazy. If I overheard my daughter talking to herself that way, I would be so upset. I would hug her and tell her she is beautiful and that she is perfect the way she is. Still, every night I do that to myself and I don't know why.

I am afraid that someday my body will get revenge and make me sick because on a daily basis I am mean to it and tell it it's not good enough. I am healthy and strong enough to carry my kid around when she needs it. I am healthy enough that when one of the kids get sick, I don't get it too. I have never worn eye cream and still the wrinkles around my eyes are from laughing and I am okay with that. I have had three kids and gained a ton of weight but I still wear a size 5 because I bounced back.
I have a double chin, not because I am fat but because my mother has one and my great grandmother also—it's hereditary along with my kid-sized hands. I read other younger women's blogs and they are getting botox and spray tanning and extensions and fake nails, and I don't need any of that and I still think I am not good enough.
Has the internet ruined my perception of what is normal? 
How do you fix that kind of problem?
How do you treat your body with the respect it deserves?
Would it be enough to be grateful and tell myself everyday that I am awesome or should I just stop looking at myself naked?

Friday, January 1, 2016

Resolutions 2016!!!!

Happy New Year!!!!! I spent mine on the couch binge watching scandal
So I went through my resolutions for last year and checked to see what I accomplished out of those:
 1) Get a JOB!!!! My stay at home time will be officially over in February and I will be getting a fun job to get me out of the house. My goal is to have it by Feb. 1 but we will see. If I am going to make that goal I might have to take something I am not super excited about till something great comes along, but that is okay -- I can live with that.
That did not happen this year due to several things like only half days a the kindergarden till October where I got a full spot and the fact that it's tough on the market but things are looking up now so I am hopeful.

2) Get a tattoo. My mother is going to kill me but I am going to get one to reward myself this year -- something small and easily hidden -- but I can still show it off I want. I am still on the fence about what the tattoo will be, but knowing me, I will decide right before I get it.
I didn't do this because I just now figured out what I want so that might happen this year.

3) Learn Yoga. I have been wanting to do this for so long but never got my ass in gear. I did try it at home and it was hard but I felt good. I feel so stiff lately and when I get up, I walk like Quasimoto, so I know I need to do something soonish.
Yoga didn't happen and I am still looking for a place that offers it when I can go.

4) Travel to 2 countries and I have those planned already: Italy (plane tickets bought) and New York and if all goes well Prag for a weekend. New York for my 40th Birthday is going to be the most epic and my siblings and I are already excited about it. We're planning all kinds of fun stuff.
Italy, New York happened

5) Do something fun at least once a month like Holifestival, Concerts, Fleamarkets, etc. I have several things already planned so I have a head start on that.
I did that

6) Take vitamins regularly, especially for my hair. Not only is it gray, but it is really thin so I need to do something about that. I usually start vitamins and stop because I forget.
Did this but not regularly

7) Do another whole 30 to reset my body and get rid of all the junk I put in it, at least for a little while so I can start eating nasty again.
I did this and now I start again tomorrow

8) Learn two new skills. I am not sure what yet, but it will come to me.
I did this and the biggest one was the play where I learned something new everyday

9) Be more aware of what is going on in the moment. That is a tough one for me because I am always so busy in my brain that I am happy when I don't forget who I am.
I 100% did this and even though I still drag my camera all over the place I definitely paid more attention

10) Go to every event my kids have, even if I don't want to since I know it will be really boring. I already started this year; that's why I am in the parent council in my son's class. He hates that. lol mission accomplished.
I did this all the way. 

I think I did pretty good at least I am satisfied with my progress
This year:

1) Learn sign language, I am starting that this month

2) Exercise almost everyday  I have my plan all worked out and my exercise partner ( Enya) ready. This is happening fo sure because I need it really bad.

3)  Learn how to pick a lock, don't ask me why I want to learn this I just think it could be helpful.

4) Ge the qualifications that I need for the Job that I want. I have come to the realization that you can't stop going to school if you want to be interesting to the job market so I will be adding to my skills this year.

5) Travel to 2 countries

6) Write more I really dropped the ball on the Blog this year. I started writing on August 18th 2010 and have been pretty consistent so far but I would like to do more.

7) Minimize my Belongings I started this already but I need to really crack down and go through everything and get rid if it. 

8) Continue to be aware and considerate 

That is about it I think they are doable so here goes nothing.

Talk to you later,