Friday, December 9, 2016

It takes a village

Everyone goes through tough times , we have all been there, whether it is money problems or health issues eventually Life just slaps you in the face and leaves you stunned, It can't all be sunshine and rainbows all the time.
There are however the REAL crises that we sometimes confronted with and that is when your child is hurt or sick.

One of my closest friends was dealt the mother of all blows by her little girl having a life threatening issue that was really touch and go for awhile but is now slowly getting better.
After the initial phase of utter shock came the overwhelming fear that there was nothing they could do but wait and when I think of her face when she came to that realization it still leaves me breathless.

The reaction from their friends was amazing and has continued to be astounding how many people love this family and want to help. There have been presents, cards, hugs and phone calls, people doing laundry for them and cleaning and cooking, taking care and hanging out with the other kids and just sending healing thoughts.

It was difficult at first for them to accept help because the natural instinct is to say "I'm fine" but once you realize that people that love you want to make your life a little easier then you let it go and let them help and that not only makes you feel better but it gives your friends the feeling that are doing something because there is nothing worse than being helpless. I was talking to her a couple of days ago and she told me that as a family they feel so loved and supported and just lucky to have such good people around them.

We will continue to help and we will be there to hug and help and sometimes just laugh our asses off because when you are as down as they have been the only way is up.





Sunday, October 9, 2016

This is not a drill

I have been thinking a great deal about posting again but I was overthinking it. I quit that shit.
So here goes nothing.

I got a job about 3 months ago and started getting dressed in the morning and putting some makeup on ... like a grownup.
It made me feel better, and for a couple of weeks I was going to bed at 9pm. I was overwhelmed with all the new stuff that was coming at me from all sides. Learning a new schedule and new crap everyday wore my ass out.
After 2 1/2 months I had a rhythm, and I realized that I didn't like my job. So, I started to look for a new one with different hours, a new job that lets me pick up my kid from school and actually be there for her.  As I stated before it is way easier to find a job when you already have a job.

The oldest child turned 18 — here in Germany that is the equivalent  of turning 21 in the states. You can drink alcohol and act a fool and you will get in trouble yourself.
I am not going to lie: It hasn't been easy letting go because, on top of being a total control freak, I am also a total control freak ... wait I said that already. Never mind ... I suck at letting go.


I like having money from a job; sometimes it makes me do weird stuff that makes my husband question my sanity but that's okay. And, no Christopher, I will not send back the rowing machine. When I save us from the zombies by crossing the Rhein in a paddle boat going 90 miles an hour, you will be grateful.

Is it just me or does fall weather make you want to bake? I want to bake cookies, cupcakes and pies and then eat them because now I have a rowing machine.
It is still in the box but as soon as I get it up the stairs, put it together and buy myself a cute rowing outfit, I will rock that medieval torture device.

Last night I went to a wedding, and I wore a pretty dress, and I looked nice....for about 2 hours and then it went to hell.

I got a fat stomach from eating pasta, which in turn made my pantyhose roll down under my stomach; that, of course, accentuated that wonderful feature. When I tried adjusting my pantyhose, I dislodged the blister bandaid I had taped to my food, that then proceeded to travel up my leg inside my pantyhose ... that at that point were trying to strangle my body.
I could never be a celebrity; they have to look immaculate all the time, I couldn't even handle pantyhose.

That's all I got. 
I will talk to you later,

Julia

Friday, May 27, 2016

This is what is up.

 I had a goal this year to blog more because last year I was slowly just running out of things to say that were small talky enough that I could say them to the public. 
And then the well ran dry.
I had quite a few readers but never got much feedback except from my friend Anny (Shout out to Anny, she is the best)  about what people wanted to talk about.  I am not a mind reader, people.
I have quite a few things going on but most are just too personal to write about them here, so I write about them in private and let the words sit there where they can't fester in me anymore.
 So when I travel I will post pictures and that is about it for a while until I get inspired again.

I am contemplating a podcast but that will be in german for woman over 40.  I decided to do it when I woke up one morning and realized that I was smack dab in the middle of a midlife crisis and had pretty much nowhere to go with my feelings of wanting to murder everyone and then eating my feelings.
I talked to my sister who turned 50 this year and my mother that turns 70 this year and they both remembered what it was like to feel like this and just how bad it fucking sucked.
When women go through something like this it is totally different then when men go through it because not only do we have the hormones to deal with all this shit but we also have to think of the kids. We can't just up and leave and get a trophy wife and get a tattoo, we have to take care of shit. I'm not saying that all men up and leave their wife or that some women don't leave their families but in most cases that is what happens.
And there I go again getting off topic.
I want to talk about how marriage is after years of being together.
What is sex like after 20 years?
Do you take care of your body? What does your body look like?
What is a no go as far as clothes you wear?
Do you have kids that are moving out or that need to move out?

I won't be talking alone because that would get boring but I still need to work on the outline and my guest list a little more before I let it loose on the public.
So that is where I am at.

I will see you soon

Julia

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Dubai is fun

We arrived Wednesday night in Dubai to an airport with a waterfall in it. We flew with Emirates which was wonderful and very relaxing and considering this was Mia's first flight and we didn't know how she would do it was great. Mia is a great traveler or we wouldn't travel as much as we do. The first night we just fell in to bed and because I can't sleep in a new place like a little kid I tossed and turned most of the night. The next day we didn't do much besides unpack and go to the pool. We decided later that evening to go to the grocery store and that was enlightening and very very confusing all at the same time. Food is very expensive here because everything is imported here so you have food from all over the world. Afterwards it took us about an hour to get  back home because we couldn't get a Taxi
Today is Sunday which at home would mean that all the stores are closed and you don't do much of anything except in Dubai it is a regular workday, the week here is Sun-Thurs and Friday and Saturday off. 
We decided that we would go to the Mall today which if you have ever heard of this particular mall then you would know that it is the second largest mall in the world with 1200 stores and a crap ton of places to eat. It also has a skating rink, Aquarium and every designer that you can imagine. I was there for about 4 hours today and I bought the kids a pair of flip flops and two pair of shorts for Enya. I couldn't believe how big this place was and how beautiful and clean so that in the end I wasn't able to shop at all because I was overwhelmed.    
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Several things I have noticed are:
There are very tiny people here I am talking skinny and just itty bitty, totally different from home and for sure different than me. People don't care if you are standing at the crosswalk, they will run your ass over if you dare to walk over it like you own it. I'm scared for my life to be honest. I really like it when they call to prayer but that is because I am tourist I think, I have yet to see anybody really stop what they are doing and actually leave to pray. I can't keep my diet here because I am on vacation and I have no self control. Everything is so well kept here and clean that I am afraid to chew gum on the street and it even says on the Metro that you are not allowed to chew gum.
I didn't know what to expect but so far it's been one good experience after another.
The same weekend we got passes to have brunch and hang out at the beach which we did.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The Brunch was awesome including the Dessert extravaganza and the weird magician they had going on for the kids.
His pidgeon decided to fly away through the restaraunt during his performance and his assistant had to chase it, it was hilarious but then again with a cocktail package included in the brunch everything was hilarious.  
 
I just figured out how to blog from here so I am a couple of days behind, just ignore it, I am.
Talk to to you later
 
Julia

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Light festival Mannheim Luisenpark


 
They had two of these Instruments that they projected and they both played music, the other one was a saxophone that was about 3 meters high. 

For the last couple of years my favorite park in the World has been having a light festival in the winter and it is gorgeous. They don't put lights up in the whole park but what they have is magical and packed. When we got there the line was about a mile long but we only stood in line for about 10 minutes so it wasn't too bad. The cost to get in is 6 euros for Adults and Mia was free.











 
It was definitely worth it and I will for sure go again next year. 

Talk to you later, 
Julia
PS: If you follow me on Instagram you have probably already seen these but if not you can @juliabiereth

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Regret


Do you know how life is supposed to be?
When you are growing up you are supposed to feel misunderstood by your parents and make them responsible for everything, including their "ruining" your life.
As you get older you realize that it's your job to make sure your life is in order and that you alone are responsible for the dumb shit that you do. You also start to see your parents as real people, which is weird at first.
Then you start having kids and you see what your parents went through having very little sleep and lots of responsibility.
When your kids hit puberty you start to realize that your mom and dad did the best they could with what they had, and you even start to feel ashamed at some of the things that you might have said to them or even did in the past.
Now you hit your 40s; this is the age when you finally accept responsibility for the mistakes you have made and you try to make it up to your parents by saying you are sorry — maybe even telling them where you messed up or that you even, God forbid, made the same mistake as they did years ago.
But what happens when you don't get that chance?
What happens to you when you start to have your epiphanies and your Mom or Dad are no longer there so you can make it up to them?
The feelings don't disappear just because your parents are no longer here; now you have all these feelings and you have nowhere to go with them so you start to feel guilty. To try and make yourself feel better, you try to reason with yourself. You tell yourself that they knew that you loved them and that if you would have had the chance, you would have told them or made it up to them. I'm not going to tell you to run out and tell your parents that you are sorry, because parents can do a real number on you growing up (and some people have parents that are manipulative up until they die). Don't make excuses for shitty parents; that is their cross to bear, not yours.
I am just saying that regret is a nasty feeling, especially when someone dies and takes away your chance of experiencing the natural progression of things. Let's face it: You shouldn't die until you are old and crusty and ready to go.
I have stopped reasoning and I have started to accept that sometimes you don't have time to say you are sorry and you have to find a way to be okay with that.
Maybe the next time you see your mom and dad, just hug them a little bit longer, but not with a pillow over their face because that, my friend, is murder.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Random

I have been 40 for 5 months and 17 days and I still am not used to it. I don't know if it is because I am still not working and just bored out of my fucking mind or what.
I developed an allergy to my hair dye which means I had to go brunette and all of a sudden I got an allergic reaction to my eye makeup remover that gave me crusty eyelids but of course I had to go through all kinds of practice runs until I figured out what was causing this. So I have been going to bed looking like the joker with inch thick cream on my eyes.


Yesterday I went to a job convention to network and maybe find a good Business that would hire me and it was more than depressing.
I am going against a bunch of teenagers and the guy that was wearing a t-shirt there that said " Go fuck yourself" probably had better chances than I.  I did find one woman that sat down with me and looked at my resume and gave me some tips on how to improve it and maybe which businesses would be interested in hiring someone older. I am amazed at how hard it is to find a damn job, I guess I am not as irresistible as I thought.

The weather here has been pretty nasty so I don't want to leave the house and be cold and wet so I just stay in and snack. I put my fitbit on yesterday for the first time in months and after walking 4ooo steps my legs hurt which means I am out of shape. I will get back to 10 000 steps a day in no time.

I have been cooking low carb for about two months and even though we sometimes splurge and eat whatever we want, it has gotten better as far as our main meals go and not eating junk food.

We went to Italy for 5 days and even though it rained pretty much everyday it was still nice to see family.













Mia had her 4th Birthday that she celebrated by getting a fever the night before.
I was standing in the Kitchen decorating cake pops ( about 50 of them) when we realized that there was no way she was going to kindergarten the next day so we kept her home and the cake pops didn't go to the kids. I ate them.
 
I made the worlds ugliest birthday cake with a candle on it that scared the shit out of Mia, but it was checkerboard so the inside was cool and it was tasty, so two out of three isn't bad.



Mia started swimming lessons that she really likes and I think it will be good for her to learn it so young so I don't have a heart attack every time we go to the pool.
 
That is about all that is going on around here so nothing exciting.

Talk to you later, 
Julia

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Podcasts

I love audio books but what I don't love is the price of audio books so I found the next best thing: Podcasts.
I really enjoy podcasts because they are uncensored for one and I love me a good cussword thrown in here and there and I think that people that agree to be on a podcast are cool people.


I think I have mentioned Girl on Guy here before which is one of my favorite ones because while it is funny it's also intelligent and Alicia Tyler is such an awesome woman I could listen to her for days, especially the Self inflicted wounds segment that she does.


If you just want to laugh your ass off without really overthinking anything then check out Anna Faris is unqualified this show is really new so there aren't really that many episodes but what they do have is hysterical.


Another is the Nerdist: this podcast has almost 800 episodes so you have plenty to listen to and it is free. I really love Chris Hardwick's laugh because  you can tell he is enjoying himself.


Grownups read things they wrote as kids is a great one because it is so intimate at times and then hysterical the next minute. It comes from a live show in Canada so you get the audience reaction to each persons story and I like that.

So check these out because I obviously have amazing taste.
Take care
Julia

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Is it the Internet's Fault?

If you know me then you know that I am a social media junkie.
I am everywhere: Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Persicope, Bloglovin; you name it, I am on it.

I follow all kinds of blogs about fashion, style, family, cooking or refashion, basically anything that interests me. Sometimes, when someone has written something that is so "out there," I even get on GOMI and see what the people on there wrote. GOMI stands for "Get off my Internets" and it is a site you can go to if you want to read about people completely annihilating someone's blog. I don't go there often because, after a while, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Now, I am an adult and I do realize that what you see on the internet is nowhere near reality. If someone posts beautiful pictures of their house you can bet your ass that somewhere out of range of the camera there are dirty clothes thrown on the floor or a kid in a shitty diaper. That is the real world and I know that.

Another way they get you is to post beautiful pictures of themselves wearing cute outfits that you know they are not hoofing it to the playground in. Heels? Really? Have you ever chased down a toddler in frickin' heels?

I wear boots with a heel sometimes but only if I am not out with my kid, because being able to chase after her is way more important than looking cute. Besides which, I can manage to fall flat on my face on an even surface.
Every night before I crawl into bed, I take my clothes off and I look at myself in the mirror and I tell myself I am fat and lazy. If I overheard my daughter talking to herself that way, I would be so upset. I would hug her and tell her she is beautiful and that she is perfect the way she is. Still, every night I do that to myself and I don't know why.

I am afraid that someday my body will get revenge and make me sick because on a daily basis I am mean to it and tell it it's not good enough. I am healthy and strong enough to carry my kid around when she needs it. I am healthy enough that when one of the kids get sick, I don't get it too. I have never worn eye cream and still the wrinkles around my eyes are from laughing and I am okay with that. I have had three kids and gained a ton of weight but I still wear a size 5 because I bounced back.
I have a double chin, not because I am fat but because my mother has one and my great grandmother also—it's hereditary along with my kid-sized hands. I read other younger women's blogs and they are getting botox and spray tanning and extensions and fake nails, and I don't need any of that and I still think I am not good enough.
Has the internet ruined my perception of what is normal? 
How do you fix that kind of problem?
How do you treat your body with the respect it deserves?
Would it be enough to be grateful and tell myself everyday that I am awesome or should I just stop looking at myself naked?

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