Thursday, February 26, 2015


I hate that word. I just don't think that it entirely explains what it actually feels like to be so down that you can barely get out of bed in the morning or in the middle of the day because you went back to bed once the kids were out of the house.

I have always had issues with moods but I have always been able to get them under control before becoming a total lush for too long, but this time is different.

I think the worst thing about feeling this way is that I feel like I am being ungrateful. I have a great life and have absolutely no reason to be upset.
But, I guess that doesn't matter and feeling guilty for being unhappy just makes it so much worse.
I have been trying to get out from under my mood for a while by trying to force myself to function. I scheduled my day with cleaning, cooking and going to the grocery store, and as long as I got that taken care of, it meant that I was okay. But, it was a struggle and everyone felt it.

I have been going to therapy for several months now and today, when I was explaining how hard it was for me to be motivated, she said something that made so much sense. It was like a lightbulb went on.
She said, "Don't pick things to do that you will have to force yourself to do, pick things that give you joy or else you will never be motivated." I have been planning all this crappy, boring stuff to do so that I would keep busy, and all I did was drag myself from one chore to the next. So, I decided that I would definitely do things that I enjoy along with my regular stuff.

One of the most important things that I have to have is structure. My day has to be scheduled down to a "T."

One of the things that I learned in the past, whenever I could feel one of these phases coming on, was that exercise really helps. It is impossible to dislike yourself when you get out everyday and do something, even if it is just taking a walk or doing a workout video at home. Once your body feels stronger and you have the nice side effect of looking better, you just feel better and that is one of the things I have really let slide the last couple of months. I do like my excuses (it's cold, raining, nasty ect.)
So, now you know why I haven't written very much lately -- it's because every time I started to write I would just be so down that it sounded like I was complaining, and I really have no tolerance for whiners and complainers, including me.
I will keep you posted on my progress and even post my schedule if anybody wants to see it.

Take care,

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