Friday, February 27, 2015

Anti-Bucket list

I've noticed lately that more and more people are posting their Bucket lists and, while I do have a list, I decided to write down some of the things that I will never do.

1. I will never, ever ride a roller coaster. "Why," you ask? Because people die on those things, that's why.

2. I will never hold a spider or a snake. I don't have to prove anything to anybody and the mere thought of holding those animals makes me want to sleep in a down-filled burrito and treat the floor like it's lava.

3. I will never die my hair black because I would look like an asshole or a cracked-out version of Amy Winehouse -- take your pick.

4. I will never be a fan of the Simpsons. I don't care if they are really cool; I don't like it and Homer is an idiot.

5. I will never work in fast food, not because I think it is beneath me, but that kind of food is my guilty pleasure and I don't want to know how it is made. That would just make it less shameful and more disgusting.

6. I will never go to a RAMMSTEIN concert because I have enough yelling in my house, and to tell you the truth, I am way better at it than anybody else.

7. I will never become a vegan, unless I wake some day and I am allergic to everything that has any taste. Besides, I don't care if an egg has fucking feelings, I am going to eat it.

8. I will never go on a Nudist vacation. I just can't do it. Besides, I burned my fine china once and I believe some body parts don't need to be out and about like it's no big deal.

9. I will never finish this list because, "Never say Never!"

See ya,

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