Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Things I wasn't prepared for

When I was a kid I had my life kind of planned out. I would have kids and live in a house with a pretty fence and I would have miles and miles of green pasture and I would have a husband who was perfect.
When I grew up, and yes, at the age of almost 39 I do consider myself grown up, I have realized a few things that were not in my life plan and that nobody prepared me for, either.

If you eat in your thirties like you did in your twenties, your pants will get too tight and you will feel gross.

Marriage is hard and nowhere near perfect; most of the time you are trying to figure out why men are so dumb and can't read your mind, and the rest of the time you are on your period and he has to deal with you being a raging bitch -- it all evens out. The things about marriage that I didn't expect is that you laugh about the same things. Also, even though your kids leave you no time to yourself you both still love them like no one else can.
                      There is no such thing as perfect -- I wish someone had told me that a lot earlier. 

You will not have all your shit together by the time you are in your thirties. Your thirties are for raising the kids and trying not to go into debt. You are paying for school, the house, any hobby, sports or whatever your kid wants to do, health insurance and insurance so you can get the reading glasses you need. The list goes on and on and by the time you know it, you only have twenty more years to take care of your retirement. I still have over 25 years to work; let that just sink in while I cry.

Your interests will change and so will your likes and dislikes. I used to think that I would always run everywhere I go and now lets just say I try not to run. I thought I would have a career and instead, I had kids; I realized I can't do both -- at least I can't. I don't know about other people.

Sleep deprivation in your 20s is waaaay different then in your thirties, especially when you have to function the next day after not sleeping all night.

Finding games you can play while lying down on the floor with your kid is amazing, even if you just let them brush your hair with a hanger.

Your parents will get older and in some cases weirder and you will not notice that they are getting older until they get sick.

No matter what you do, if you are a woman you will be like your mother. That is a fact -- just get used to it and embrace it.

Going out to eat and opening the top button of your pants in the car is acceptable behavior and you need not be ashamed.

Your kids will break your heart once they hit puberty, more than once and several times a week. You just have to remember that you were a shit head too.

Going on vacation is the same amount of work -- just in a different location.

Take pictures of everything your kid does so you can remember it. I can't even remember which kid said what anymore, I just know that it was cute. I am thinking that will get better once I don't have to remember so much.

You can pick your friends and your nose but not your family.

There are few things that feel quite as wonderful as falling asleep on the couch and having your two year old pull your eyelids up and yelling at you to wake up.

That's all I got right now.

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