Sunday, July 6, 2014

Things I learned

This week has been pretty quiet around here, but of course, I didn't use that time to get stuff done; I used it to get nothing done and instead layed around and played games, wrote my blog and did laundry.
So this week I learned a couple of things as always:

1)  I am deathly afraid of anything that is an insect; I was driving home from the toy store yesterday when I saw something fly through the car and I thought it was Mia's toy that broke. I thought a piece of the toy hit me but when I looked down at my leg I saw, instead, that  it was a huge-ass bumblebee.
I know that they don't sting but to me, if it flies, it has to die and if it lands on me then all hell will break loose.  Unfortunately I was in the car driving about 80kph so there was nothing I could do, except start crying and hyperventilating. Mia looked at me like I was losing it (which I was) while I was telling her everything is ok and that we will be home soon. Meanwhile, I am looking down at that fuzzy demon from hell, inching its way up my leg.
I drove home in orderly fashion, jumped out of the car and started jumping up and down so it would fall off but it didn't! So now I am screaming and leaning against the car yelling, "It won't come off"!!!! The neighbors probably thought I was nuts, but I didn't care at this point; they are used to me, anyway. I finally went back to the car, where Mia is ignoring me, and I grabbed her little pony package and scraped the bee off me. I am a total dork and I am aware that I should probably have myself checked out after this episode.

2)
I bought myself a treat the other day and yesterday after I took my nap and woke up in need of a sugar rush I opened it and stuck a piece in my mouth.
I didn't like it at all, even though I love sweet and salty but this was just blah; if anybody wants it come over, it's still in the fridge minus 2 pieces I had to really make sure I didn't like it.

3) I went to the grocery store really early this week because I have to share a car right now, seeing as the Dinosaur is broke down. As I was sitting in an empty parking lot waiting for the doors to open, I watched the people that came after me and I guess couldn't wait for the store to open because they grabbed a cart and stood in front of the door like a bunch of weirdos.
These are the same people who run to the front of the bus while it's still moving, get up and start pulling out their carry on while the plane is still rolling, and hit you in the back of the legs with their shopping cart while you are in line.
People, you need to calm your tits because everybody else hates you!
 
One of these people ran and grabbed 4 boxes of wine so I can understand that person -- she probably has kids -- but the rest of these clowns need pills. 

4) I learned that 150 euros are 115 Pounds. I had to get money for Joshua's school trip next Saturday at 3am to London. Yes, you read that correctly; they are leaving at 3am to fly out of Stuttgart at around 7am. Those poor teachers are going to be drinking by noon -- I know I would be. 


5) My child has now entered the stage of saying "NO" to every damn thing you say, do, or insinuate and it is almost as annoying as the people who stand in front of the store with their carts. I'm kidding it's way worse
It's so funny how that works: when you have bigger kids and then a little one comes along years later and you kind of forgot all the annoying shit that kids do, you forget about their unrolling half a toilet paper roll in the bathroom or washing their hands and leaving the water on forever. Or, my favorite one is peeing somewhere while potty training and then you have to go searching for where they did it. 

6) I learned that if you take a kiddie pool and cover up your grill with it for 6 months and then clean it off and fill it, your kid will have fun all day and make you get in it with all your clothes on.

7) I learned that my brother looks like an ugly Olivia Newton John in a headband and that he wants me to call him "Oh knowledgeable One". 
I think he will have to wait a while for that and I sure as hell am not going to come if he calls me Grasshopper. 

8) If I let Mia sit in the front of the car she wants to hold my hand while I'm driving; I really love that.

9) I like sleeping on the couch right now because I can blast the fan on myself and sleep with a blanket, which Christopher can't handle.
Mia likes it, too.
Yes I am reading Twilight again; I felt like reading a book in paper and not on my ipad -- don't judge.

10) I am getting ready to go on my retreat in 11 days, and I am starting to get anxious about packing and forgetting something. One of the things that I found out is that there is no Internet where I am going. That is going to kill me for 3 weeks; what am I going to do at night when the kids are in bed?

Sayonara People

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