Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Things I Learned

As usual, I learned new things, and, as usual they are mostly awkward and some disgusting.

I learned that if you make spaghetti sauce in the crockpot on one of the hottest days in June, some piece of shit fly is going to lay eggs in it and you will eat it and feel like throwing up all day.

I learned that if you usually wear a size medium t-shirt then you should probably stick to that size and not buy a small that will squash your bosom and make you look like a hooker.
 

I learned that if you are wearing a white tank top without a bra you probably shouldn't go outside and give some guy directions and have him stare at your boobs like a dirty old man. After I got in the house I realized that my shirt was completely see through.
My sister said he probably thought I was a prostitute.

I learned that going to the grocery store when you are hungry is dumb, especially when you mostly buy snacks and you stuff everything in there so it falls out and hits you in the face when you open the door. 
Damn you crackers with cheese! You shall be my downfall.


I learned that Mia watching me do all those exercise videos has taught her how to plank.
She kills me.

Some quickie lessons:
I talked about hookers quite a bit today
Yesterday, when I thought the guy next to me was stinky, it was in fact me (damn cheap deodorant).
I can't sleep without the fan blowing directly on me when it's hot outside.
I will never eat spaghetti again.
Mia loves the pool and chasing her family with the garden hose.
I want to try hair extensions.
I still have orange spots on my knees from trying tanning cream.
Don't throw a full diaper down the stairs because it will explode.
That's all I got.

1 comment:

Daniela said...

Du Knallfrosch ;-) OMG ich liebe alles und lach mich wieder schlapp, bis auf die Extensions, die werden deine schönen Haare kaputt machen..dabei hast du sooo schööööne! Selftanning mistakes geht irgendwann weg aber kaputte Haare nur mit SchnipSchnap..darüber reden wir heute Abend nochmal in Ruhe ;-) CU

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