Wednesday, April 23, 2014

teenagers and their priorities

When we booked our vacation, I was already pretty sure that this would be the last vacation that Joshua would be going on with us. I figured I would play it by ear and just enjoy it. I should have known better and listened to my intuition. I love my kid more than anything; I cry just thinking about when he was little and how cute he was. He made me a grown-up instantly and has been with me through every good and crappy thing that has happened to me in the last 15 years.
He is a good kid, never really getting into trouble aside from the usual crap they do, like coming home later, back talking or just being moody. He talks to me about most of the things going on in his life and I am grateful that he does even though sometimes I think "TMI", and I wish he would keep some things to himself.
I was a horrible teenager, always rebelling against everybody and everything, especially my mother. No matter what she said, I did the opposite and I took the long, hard way for everything. I never thought about any consequences and just did what ever the hell I wanted, which usually resulted in absolute chaos and disaster.
So, whenever Joshua acts out I totally know where he is coming from, but that doesn't mean I have to like it or just let it go. 
Being a teenager today is so different than it was when I was a teenager. The social media alone can destroy your life in minutes and the bullying isn't just on the playground anymore. The peer pressure is 100 times worse and keeping up with all the phones, ipods and other shit that everybody has is exhausting and impossible. 
But that rant wasn't actually what I wanted to talk about; it was more of how "doofus" acted while we were on vacation. 
Joshua wanted to be somewhere else the whole time we were in Holland; he missed his friends (girls) and his bike and his x-box and his Internet.
This is the look he usually had on his face, which is what I had to look at for a week. I felt like a loser because he didn't have fun at all and he thought everything was stupid and boring and that we didn't understand anything. Wow, talk about sounding familiar; every time I tell my mom what a pain in the ass he is, she just gives me this look followed by a dirty laugh. 
I know this is a phase and someday he will be a grownup and I will even (possibly) miss these days. Probably not. . . I don't think I will miss the moodiness of puberty or the dirty looks or the outbursts of temper or the wadded up wet kleenex he leaves stuck to the sink from picking his face. 
I will miss the talks we have when we are driving in the car and I can't get away, so he asks me things that make me so uncomfortable that I want to jump out of the moving vehicle.  I will miss when he opens the fridge ten times in a row because he is hungry and can't find anything in the fully stocked fridge and wants me to make him something. 
I don't know know if I will miss his asking me if I washed his favorite pair of pants at 9:00pm on a Sunday so he can wear them the next day for school, and I sure won't miss his knocking shit over in the middle of the night and scaring the daylights out of me, but I am sure that I will miss his talking in his sleep every night at 11:30pm. 
I will miss him laughing with his sister after he beat on her and forced her to lend him money (I'm kidding).
He kills me sometimes but I love him so much that it makes my heart hurt, and I lay awake at night freaking out about something happening to him. 
I guess that is what it's like when your kids get bigger; your worries get bigger but your control gets smaller. I wish someone would have told me that sooner. 
Yeah right, like that would have made a difference. 

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