Tuesday, April 29, 2014

A day in the life

I don't know if everybody's life is as crazy as mine but sometimes I doubt it. There are days when nothing happens, but they are few and far between, and that also means that I stayed home all day. I am a Murphy's Law magnet and when you combine that with ADHD and a total scatterbrain, it is always a recipe for disaster

6am:  The kids drop something down the stairs

6:30am:  One of the kids rips the baby gate out of the wall and sends it down the basement stairs

8am:  I get up

8:30am: I only wash my hair because I can't stand the thought of getting my body wet in a shower so I take a whore bath.

9am:  I make Mia breakfast and try to get her dressed while she is running around the house, half naked, except for the 3 pairs of socks she made me give her.

9:50am: We head to Kindergarden (that she hates); I am probably scarring her for life by making her go there.

10:00am:  I drive to the customs office (Zollamt) and pass it twice because there is no offing sign; then I say "Kiss my ass" and drive back home without accomplishing what I went there to do in the first place.

11:00am: Drive home and change my shoes because I ripped the blister band aid off and my feet are killing me; put lotion on my dry-ass feet because now I'm are wearing sandals, paint the first three toes that stick out while I have on my shoes.

11:15am : Pick up Mia who cries when she sees me but then she starts playing as if nothing happened.

11:30am : Drive to Grandparents house, who ask to take Mia to the Park.

11:35am: Drive to pick up Mom for trip to Ikea.

11:50am: Try to park my big-ass van in the parking lot, needing 5 tries, while everybody inside eating a hot dog can see me.

1:30pm: Get out of Ikea and drive home in time to make lunch for the kids.

2:30pm: Mia comes back home from the park. I lay her down for her nap and find her, 15 minutes later, only wearing socks and slippers.

2:45pm: Get Mia back out of bed because she is not going to sleep, which means that the alone time I thought I would have just went out the window. 

3:15pm: I decide that the curtains I bought at Ikea don't need to be washed, just ironed so I run to the basement and try to iron them as fast as I can, which means I burn a hole in one. 

4:30pm: After looking for the little-ass screw that goes in the little-ass hole in the rod and finally finding it, I get the damned curtains up and I HATE THEM!!!! I can't take them back because . . . you guessed it . . . I burned them!

4:35pm: I decide to ignore the curtains and never take them down, just like the last ones that I only washed 3 times in 7 years. 

5:30pm: I start picking up the house again for the 5th time that day, only to have my kids help by tearing the place up quicker than I can clean. 

6:30pm: Eat dinner that gets interrupted by Mia pooping, so you have to go change her before she whips off her diaper and throws it somewhere.

7:30pm: Take a picture of Mia, who decided to sit in her carseat and watch Josh change the tire on his bike. . . . .
then I realize that she took a selfie and posted it to Instagram.
8:00pm: Get Mia in bed and sit down.

9:51pm: Finish this post and start the next one.

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