Thursday, January 23, 2014

Sugar is an a-hole

I decided that 2014 was going to be the year that I took care of myself better than I had in the past and whenever I decide to do something I go for it 110%. Of course, my method has its downsides, like having a shit ton of craft stuff that I will never all use, but for the most part it's good that I jump into stuff because I learn a lot and being a jack of all trades but a master at none doesn't bother me.
I started out the year by making a crapload of doctor appointments to get check ups, and I went to all of them and had blood taken and had creams prescribed. I was supposed to give a stool sample, which resulted in my being constipated for a week. I just can't do it. 
My biggest problem is yeast, and that I look like I am 4 months pregnant whenever I eat starch or anything with flour in it.
After reading a lot on the internet and talking to my Doctor I decided to cut sugar, dairy, wheat and grains from my diet for a month, basically the paleo diet.
So, let me just cut to the chase here and tell you how that is going. 
Holy mother Mary and a little bit of Joseph wtf was I thinking?
No sugar means no coffee at all because I can't drink that shit black. What am I, an animal? 
No sugar means no little pieces of chocolate that help keep me happy when I am sad and want to slap someone. No sugar means not eating the Oreos or grasshoppers in my fridge and then washing it all down with a cold glass of milk. And it also means no Alcohol. Well there goes my well-being, out the window and everybody in my family better wear a helmet and strap themselves in because it is going to be a bitchy ride.
Fast forward to day 3 1/2:
I hate myself because I have had a headache for 3 days and my whole body hurts and all I want to do is sleep. Is this supposed to be good for my health? When do I start feeling healthy and energized? When do I stop wanting to smack my husband in the face when he eats chocolate in front of me?

Ok So it is now day 4 and I not only have kidney problems but I also had a total meltdown that made everybody in the family hate me for 5 minutes. 
I guess it's never a good time to make drastic changes but I thought I was prepared; I checked recipes and bought my coconut oil and extra virgin olive oil and meal planned but then I started to read stuff like Palm sugar and pink Himalayan salt. WTF is that? Can't I use sea salt! And where the hell do I get cage free eggs and grass fed butter? Are you paleo bitches trying to make me lose my mind up in here! No wonder I hate everyone who looks at me funny. Today my friend told me I looked as tired as I did when I had a newborn. 
I have made a decision that weighs heavy on my heart but I had to make it for the good of the family. I will still cut as much sugar out of my diet as possible and no grains, dairy or wheat but I won't go all gung ho at it. I will be nicer to myself while trying to change my eating habits.
But there is no way in hell I am giving a stool sample unless they tie me down and get it themselves; that shit is just plain nasty. 
A girl has to have priorities. 


Brianna Pacheco said...

I am proud of you for sticking through this ridiculous thing cavemen call a diet! I agree that some of these ingredients are pretty much foreign. Want to know what I did? Cage Free Eggs=White eggs.

Julia Biereth said...

Sounds good to me I only buy eggs from chickens that can run around free and isn't cooped up in a cage or pen. It doesn't really make that big of a difference pricewise and even if it did I wohlf├╝hlen still buy them.

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