Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I am a Road Raging A-hole

I don't know what it is but driving in the car brings out the absolute worst side of me. I turn into a raging psycho as soon as I get behind the wheel and everyone else can't drive worth a shit. My kids used to get really embarrassed by it but now they just accept it and keep quiet if they know what is good for them.
I don't know what it is, but just people not following stupid rules that apply to all of us gets my fricken goat. Just today, as I was loading my groceries parked in the mother/child parking spot, some old bastard decided to park next to me and at first I looked in his car to see if maybe he had his grandchild with him which would explain why he parked there, but he just got out got his bag and went into the store. I just stood there and didn't know what to say; he was so rude that I was at a loss for words. Why do you insist on disobeying the rules?  And why do I feel the need to point it out, like Miss Know-it-all, that he is doing something wrong? I do that with everything.

-wrong parking
-driving too fast in the school and play zone
-jumping in on the side of the pool
-walking down the wrong side of the escalator
-going through an orange light
-not standing in line but pushing yourself in on the side
-not letting people in on the freeway even though it says to let every other driver in
-driving slow in the passing lane
-bikes riding next to each other on the street so you can't pass them
-not stopping at a crosswalk

If I could make citizens arrests then I would and everyone on the street would be in jail except for me because I do everything right and everybody else is a blow hole.
I read an article once where it was explained why people turn into crazy people once they get behind the wheel. The reason for it is that there are all kinds of personalities crashing into each other and no way to communicate except with hand gestures or diverse other rude things. I go for the yelling out the car window or my favorite is honking my horn when you least expect it. I, of course, have the worst sounding horn ever -- it imitates the Love Boat coming into port. That thing is so bad but it matches the rest of my POS.
You might get the impression that I am a danger to myself and others on the street but it is quite the contrary. I am really careful while driving even going as far as sitting up so close to the steering wheel that, should the airbag ever come out, I would look like elephant man getting slammed in the face at 200 km an hour. 
All of these things, of course, apply to me being a passenger which makes me the worst backseat, shotgun passenger ever.
I also speed to a red light, floor it at a green light and ride your ass like a Tijuana hooker. I think all women drive like that though so I don't feel special and it does get me to where I need to be at the speed of light. 


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